You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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