I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
