I am midnight drunk by noon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
