im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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