I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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