wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
