Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
