I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
