You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
