Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
