so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
