I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
