We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
