I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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