By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
