ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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