They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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