The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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