i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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