i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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