Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i believe in u and ur pee
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
