i wish my penis had a tongue
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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