thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
birth control should be required to get into college
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
