Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
