So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
