Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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