Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
