The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
