a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
