Kiss
Puke
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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