I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
