dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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