man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
