I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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