i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
