The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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