So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this just has baby written all over it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
