There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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