I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
