he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
