He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
