He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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