I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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