Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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