Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
