When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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