If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
