Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
