you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
