i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
