distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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