Can i not drive my cunt home
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
