Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
