How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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