Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
