so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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