Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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